FEMSHEP isn't huge on taking medications for illness or pain, choosing instead to beast things out as best I can. That's not to say that I'm completely holistic or on the level of those Buddhists who can just meditate the pain away. Scientists say to medicate as soon as headache symptoms arise, not waiting for the pain to subside on its own, so my usually strategy is a relic from my military days - 800mg of ibuprofen and hydration. However, despite the best claims of every corpsman on the planet, ibuprofen isn't a panacea.
The common cold is the most frequently-contracted infectious disease in humans. It is caused by a strain of rhinovirus gaining entry to your precious body through your respiratory system and through direct contact. As the cold is caused by a virus and isn't a bacterial infection, the use of antibiotics is not only useless, it is actively harmful to yourself and the rest of the planet. This is no joke - do not take antibiotics for a cold or flu. Don't go to your doctor and demand a prescription for antibiotics unless your trained medical professional decides your symptoms are of a bacterial infection.
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| Rhinovirus, not bacteria |
Similarly, the flu, or influenza, is caused by a type of orthomyxoviridae virus. The name of this virus comes from two Greek words that translate to, no joke, "straight mucus." So you know when this bad boy takes up residence in your body that you're in for a hell of a ride. Straight mucus. Gross.
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| H1N1 flu virus, a.k.a. demon seed |
There is no cure for either the cold or the flu, though you now have the option to get vaccinated against the most current strains of the flu virus. It is important for you to know which of the two asshole viruses you've contracted so that you get a better idea of how long a ride you're in for. A cold is usually milder than a flu and symptoms will disappear sooner. The flu will hit you like a ton of bricks out of nowhere and will stick around longer than the kind of house guest who eats all your cereal and puts the box away empty and uses all your hot water.
As age increases, the severity and duration of cold and flu symptoms also increases. There are several over-the-counter and prescription remedies for the awful symptoms that just take you completely out of the rotation of normal human society. If you can't take antibiotics and if regular over-the-counter remedies aren't alleviating your symptoms as quickly or as effectively as you'd like, what are your other options? Your first line of defense is to not contract these viruses in the first place. Wash your hands often and don't touch your face, ever. The world is filthy and disgusting so don't put 7.2 billion people's germs all over yourself.
If it's too late and you feel the telltale swollen glands, itchy throat, and stuffed nose, FEMSHEP is here to tell you how to mitigate the misery.
First, hydrate. Hydrate hydrate hydrate even when you don't want to. Find an easy way to quantify the amount of water you've consumed by either counting water bottles you've blown through, or buying a reusable water bottle and keeping track of how many times you've refilled it. NOTE: If you use a reusable bottle, be sure to run that bad boy through the dishwasher or some severely hot water after use. Don't reinfect yourself. Don't give those viruses free room and board. The Institute of Medicine at National Academies recommends that males over the age of 19 consume at least 3.7 liters of water per day, and females over the age of 19 consume at least 2.7 liters. This number represents the total volume of water ingested through food, beverages, and standard water, so it is up to your discretion and judgement what forms that water intake may look like. Contrary to what you may have grown up hearing, the vitamin C contained in orange juice is as useless as an ejection seat in a helicopter as far as relieving cold and flu symptoms are concerned. Sorry. Drink OJ if you love it, but there's a lot of sugar in there, so use your judgment.
Secondly, rest. Sleep as much as you can. For the sake of humanity, do not go to work or school (forward this post to your boss if needed). If you feel a cold or flu coming on, or are exhibiting cold or flu symptoms, you're contagious. Isolate yourself. If you go out in public and spread the virus to someone else, they may have an immunocompromised person in their life, to which the virus could be lethal. Stay. Home. No one wants what you've got.
Third, and this is where FEMSHEP can help, eat to relieve your symptoms. Doctors advise using steam, staying warm, and drinking hot liquids to mitigate your creeping crud. So I have developed what I call "Better than Nyquil Soup." This soup contains ingredients with actual data proving their efficacy in biological human terms, and is also delicious. It's also highly adaptable for personal tastes and to accommodate whatever ingredients you've got on hand.
FEMSHEP's Better Than Nyquil Soup
Essential ingredients:
- 64 ounces (two 32 ounce containers) chicken or vegetable stock
- 1 large onion, chopped
- 4 cloves garlic, minced
- 3 carrots, chopped
- 4 stalks celery, chopped (include the leafy heart for extra flavor)
- 2 cups fresh spinach leaves
- 2 tbsp hot sauce
- Kosher salt
- Black pepper
- 2 tsp red pepper flakes
- Olive oil, or butter, if you're French
- 1 rotisserie chicken, shredded
- 1 bag frozen corn
- 1 bag frozen peas
- 1 can cannellini beans
- 1 can lentils
- 1 small can tomato paste
- 1 cup chardonnay
- Pastina
- Literally any other leftover vegetable or meat you might have in your fridge
- Curry powder
- Tumeric seasoning
- Chili powder
- Paprika
- Cilantro
Directions:
1) Heat olive oil (or butter) in a large pot over medium-high heat. Add onions and garlic and cook, stirring constantly, until onion is transparent, about two minutes.
2) Add spinach leaves and saute until wilted.
3) Add chicken stock, carrots, celery, hot sauce, and anything off the optional list except the pastina. Bring to a boil, then reduce to a simmer.
4) Simmer for one hour. Add pastina (if desired) and cook for 15 minutes. Taste and season with salt and pepper.
This recipe can be heavily customized according to your personal tastes. It is designed to be slightly spicy - this helps relieve sinus pressure and pain. The main chemical compound found in garlic has been shown to be an effective anti-inflammatory, among other outstanding claims. Tumeric apparently is good for all sorts of things. And chicken soup itself is proven to rock your world.
So, if you find yourself feeling poorly, or know someone who is in the thick of it, take this knowledge to heart. You'll get through this and come out the other side stronger than ever. Godspeed, dear readers! Go forth and be healthy!
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