First, I will answer some questions and dispel some myths. The reason flight attendants tell you to switch off your phones during takeoff and landing isn't because the signals will interfere with the cockpit instrumentation (although if the signals were strong enough, in theory, it could). It is, instead, because the takeoff and landing segments of your flight are the times that are most likely going to require an emergency passenger evacuation. According to Boeing (page 20), between 2004 and 2013, 14% of all fatal air accidents involving their commercial jet fleet occur during the takeoff and initial climb segments of a flight, and 47% of fatal accidents occur during final approach and landing. Please do not misread this data and think that nearly 50% of all planes crash on landing. Out of 78 total accidents that occurred within nine years of flying (according to NOAA, over 87,000 commercial flights occur each day, which would equate to 31,755,000 flights per year, and 285,795,000 flights during Boeing's reporting period between 2004 and 2013), 47% of those crashes occurred during the final approach and landing segments of these flights.
There are several reasons for this. Have you ever landed an aircraft? Chances are, you have not (even though some of you have, and I'm sure you can relate to this, and if I've gotten it wrong somehow, let me know) - but I have. Flying an aircraft is fairly easy if you have good vision and equilibrium and weather. If you haven't heard of the Astronaut's Prayer, now is a good time to familiarize yourself, as it basically applies to this. I won't repeat it because I'm a lady (stop laughing). But landing an aircraft is an entirely different story. There are so many factors at play during the final approach and landing segments that it takes an extraordinary amount of skill to execute. A pilot has to make on-the-fly, minuscule corrections for weather, speed, flaps, while talking to Air Traffic Control and being aware of airport conditions. It is an enormously stressful few minutes in the cockpit, even for experienced aviators, because no two landings are ever the same, and you can never, ever become complacent. In these accidents, all sorts of things caused them - weather, birds, mechanical malfunctions, debris, collisions. So, in short, shut your phones off, pay attention, and know where the nearest exit is to your seat. They tell you that every time and I'm sure you ignore them, but I'm dead ass, once you get on your plane, sit down, look around, and figure out if the exit is in front of you or behind you. If things get hairy and you need to get out in a hurry, you're definitely going to be glad you figured this out before the panic hit. Also for the love of all that is good, leave your things on the plane. Don't be like these assholes. Just get out and help anyone you can. Also, the brace position is not a joke. Scientists did a study comparing crash test dummies in the brace position as opposed to passengers seated normally, and determined that the injuries sustained while in the brace position (because, get real, you're probably not going to be strolling out of a plane crash unscathed) are more conducive to evacuation than injuries sustained while seated normally.
Okay so for now that's enough about plane crashes. If you have any morbid questions about the subject, or want to know anything in particular, again - let me know. I love talking about this stuff and can go on for days.
Some other things that are really good to know before you fly - have you heard of the website FlightAware? Okay good now bookmark it because it is amazing. You input the airline and flight number (or if you're super fancy, you can input the tail number of the aircraft), and it will pull up the specific details of that flight, including actual vs. intended flight path. While your loved ones are flying, you can see their exact airspeed and altitude. It's very cool.
The other question I get most from nervous fliers is, what is the weather going to be like for my flight? The Weather Channel is great but the problem with using that as a tool to determine your flight conditions is that the Weather Channel provides ground weather and ground weather forecasts. If you're flying, you're going to be pretty high above a lot of that stuff, and the weather systems can be vastly different than what people are experiencing on the ground. That is why aviators use METAR's and TAF's. Before I tell you what METAR stands for, I have to tell you that a whole lot of aviation terminology comes from French (like the words "fuselage" and "empennage"), so METAR mysteriously stands for Aviation Routine Weather Report. To the unfamiliar, TAF's and METAR's look like nonsense. Like, I guess, binary would look to a dog. For example, this is what the TAF and METAR look like for Norfolk International Airport right now:
KORF 301851Z AUTO 19011G20KT 10SM FEW055 33/18 A2988 RMK AO2 SLP118 T03280178 TSNO
KORF 301742Z 3018/0118 19011G18KT P6SM BKN250
FM302300 21012KT P6SM BKN100
FM010500 24009KT P6SM BKN050 OVC100
Gibberish, right? But from this weather report, I know that there is some bitchin' winds on the airfield, it's hot as ass, the visibility is good, and it probably won't be pretty bumpy up there.
The link I posted above gives you an explanation of what the different pieces represent, and here is a good resource to use to decode the different abbreviations that pop up. Also FU means "smoke," because, again, French.
Alright now let's talk about this picture, because the logic makes me break out in metaphorical hives:
Did you know that as weight of passenger and cargo increases on an aircraft, so does the fuel load, and if you have driven a car any time since, I don't know, the Model T, you know that fuel is expensive. Jet fuel is DAMNED expensive, so airlines like to keep weight down as much as possible. I can guarantee you that the 747 pictured above isn't carrying passengers, seats, luggage, mail, and packages. This airplane is stripped to the bones in order to carry that Space Shuttle (it's actually called The Orbiter, if we are in a teaching mood - the entire system of the Orbiter + Solid Rocket Boosters + External Fuel Tank = Space Shuttle, or Space Transport System, which is why each flight is "STS-X"). Overweight baggage fees are an airlines way of saying, listen we can either fly you there cheap and have the aircraft as light as possible, or you can bring everything you own on the flight and that's fine but we are going to charge you for the fuel it's going to cost to haul it.
Let's talk about the fact that that crazy lifestyle health blogger lady said that when you get on a plane, your body is compressed. This is physics, people. As you go higher into the Earth's atmosphere, the air pressure decreases, and the inverse is also true. If you take a balloon into a swimming pool and try to bring it to the bottom, it's going to be squeezed smaller and smaller by the increase in water pressure smashing it. Pressure always wants to equalize, it's an equal opportunity force of nature, so if you have one bubble that's low pressure and one bubble that's high pressure, the high pressure is going to be like "don't worry bro I have some pressure you can have" and they'll even out. That's why the wind blows, incidentally. Okay so when you're in an aircraft at altitude, the aircraft is pressurized to compensate for the decrease in air pressure outside. So if the aircraft is full of pressure and the outside air is really low pressure.... everything is going to expand. In this scenario, the aircraft is the pressure bro, trying to share its pressure with the outside air. So no, Idiot Lady, you aren't compressed at altitude, you're expanding.
A lot, a lot, a lot of people have told me over the years, "I really wish I could fly planes." Well, I am about to rock your world. Ready? You CAN fly planes. Flying an aircraft is one of the greatest things I've ever done in my life. It is prohibitively expensive to learn to fly privately, but get yourself acquainted with AOPA and their incredible flight school directory. Call around and see if you can work out an arrangement that allows you to fly somehow. Go up with an instructor, or even just sit in the back seat and observe a flight or two. The best way to learn how to fly a plane is to start learning how to fly planes, so hop on it. You're not going to live forever.
I won't talk about why you get drunker on planes than you otherwise would on the ground, and I won't tell you what all the airfield signs mean, and I won't tell you what all the little dings mean on an airliner. I do hope you've learned some things, and let me leave you with one last word of advice - listen to flight attendants. They aren't air hostesses anymore, they are backed by the Federal government, and it absolutely is a violation of federal law to interfere with flight attendants, so mind your manners, accept the fact that they are going to be the ones saving your panicked butt in the event of an emergency, and be nice.
Did I miss anything?
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